Maestro's Italian Sausage
by igotbidness
Summary: This whole entire thing is a walking mistake.


**I fucking hate myself.**

Maestro's Italian Sausage

"Papa Spaghetti, Ash is trying to rush us!" Recruit yelled. Maestro and Recruit were hiding in a storage room beside the bedroom and kids' bedroom, listening to Ash running around and dodging all of Kapkan's shots. His shooting stopped, as did the sound of Ash's running. A single gunshot rang out, and Kapkan's body fell to the floor outside Maestro and Recruit's barricade.

"Comrades… You are doomed," Kapkan mumbled, and then died.

"Maestro, you have to stop playing with your breadstick. We need to do something!" Recruit yelled. Maestro only looked at Recruit, and continued to furiously rub his breadstick until the most pure form of olive oil shot out coated the entire room. He got up and attempted to stuff his meatballs and jumbo breadstick back into his pants, but to no avail.

"I got you baby," Recruit said, and proceeded to grab Maestro's pants, meatballs, and breadstick and stuffed it back into his pants, which was all but bursting at the seams now. Maestro then bent over and reached up into his poop chute as if he were looking for something, until he finally pulled out a cigar and lit it. He took a puff and half of it was gone in a second.

"Hold this," Maestro said, and handed Recruit his cigar, which was dripping with marinara sauce.

"What are you going to do?" Recruit questioned. Maestro said nothing as he pulled out his phone, the screen lighting up his face and showing his menacing grin. Ash's surprised squeak echoed throughout the second floor, as well as her increasingly loud footfalls. Something shot into the barricade, and after a second, it exploded.

Recruit, who was standing just beside the doorway, was thrown back by the force as Ash charged into the room. Just as she aimed her rifle at Recruit, ready to dome him, he kicked her in the kneecap, which managed to knock her down to a crouch. Maestro came in as this was happening and charged into her, sending the two of them through a reinforced wall and into the next room. He stopped in the middle of the room and grabbed Ash by the throat, raising her above his head. All of a sudden, his beret morphed into steaming meatballs and marinara sauce, and his hair turned into long strands of spaghetti.

"I am the embodiment of Italy and everything Italian! I'm gonna spread your cheeks, girl!" He said, his voice getting deeper with each word, and he threw her so hard into the ground that she went through two floors and landed in the basement. With another cigar in his mouth that came out of God-knows-where, he pulled out his ALDA 5.56 LMG and emptied the entire clip into the now unrecognizable body of Ash.

"Dodge that," Papa Spaghetti said. He turned to see Recruit stumble out of the storage room, clutching his side with blood seeping through his hands.

"Good job… Sir…," Recruit mumbled, and then collapsed.

"Recruit!" Papa Spaghetti said as he caught the recruit in his now garlic knot arms. "You need medical assistance! Doc, where ar-!"

"It's too late, you know that! And Doc's dead, everyone's dead! It's just you and me, and you know what to do," Recruit interrupted. He set Recruit down and took a few steps back.

"You're right, I do," He said, and in a flash of blinding light, he had changed drastically.

His armor and clothing were gone, leaving him naked. His chest had turned into a large piece of lasagna, his nipples lactating marinara sauce. He still had his meatballs, but his breadstick was now a ribbed piece of italian sausage, with a single strand of spaghetti wrapped around it like stripes on a candy cane. His legs were now long, rolled up pieces of pizza, with mushrooms acting as his kneecaps. His feet were now wine that defied the laws of physics and kept its shape. His head was now this mess of spaghetti that vaguely resembled a face.

Maestro has evolved into his true Papa Spaghetti form.

It was also in that flash of blinding light that Recruit's clothing was stripped off of him, and his injury was covered in a makeshift bandage of spaghetti, olive oil, and mozzarella.

Papa Spaghetti picked Recruit up and set him down on the bed that was now a sentient mass of spaghetti that held him down. Strands of spaghetti from the bed and Papa Spaghetti came in and spread Recruit's cheeks, some even going into his tight hole. Olive oil dripped out of Papa Spaghetti's sausage as he lined it up with Recruit, and thrusted in with all of his strength. Recruit cried out in a wonderful mix of pain and pleasure as Papa Spaghetti thrusted in and out, not destroying Recruit's insides but… changing it. As Recruit was in pure ecstasy, his innards were changing and morphing into various Italian delicacies. It wasn't long before Recruit came, except it wasn't like that normal moment were you have to jizz real badly (y'know that moment?), as Recruit's come was also olive oil. It was this moment that Papa Spaghetti also came, and the second he did, the changes in Recruit's body accelerated tenfold. As Papa Spaghetti pulled out his sausage, Recruit's body morphed into a full plate of spaghetti and meatballs, ready to be served. As Papa Spaghetti walked away, he jumped down the hole where he tossed Ash and picked her up, putting her over his shoulder for later.


End file.
